Bill Clinton, International Man of Mystery


Shaken Not Stirred

Growing up in the 80s I loved action movies.    When trouble called, you had a choice of bad asses to choose from.  Whether it was Chuck, Arnold, or Sly, our heroes would run into the jungle with guns blazing.  As time passed, the guns rusted and our heroes grew older.  Arnold gave up the life and became governor of California.  After years of running through the jungles, Rambo decided to get some face work.  Even the reliable Chuck Norris put on a cowboy hat and went from rescuing missing vets to rescuing Lou Dobbs

I was lost. I needed a new hero.   Besides Arnold, Chuck and Sly, my favorites were getting out of shape.  Van Damme and Jackie Chan couldn’t kick quite as high as they used to.  Steven Seagal had grey in his ponytail.   Who are we supposed to rely on?  Matt Damon and the kid from Titanic?  I don’t know if I like those apples.  In order to find a new hero, I had to look to the past.  To the good old days of shaken not stirred Martinis.  The 007 days of when our heros didn’t necessarily need an arsenal of weapons.  They could take down an adversary using the art of the schmooze.  We didn’t need the blazing guns of W.  We needed the smooth Sean Connery style of slick Willy.

It was a Hollywood script ripe for the making.  Two beautiful reporters get kidnapped by a ruthless dictator who sentences them to years of hard labor.   The bad guy is willing to discuss the hostages, but only with his old arch nemesis.  (The bad guy is usually holding a grudge against the hero who cut off  his hand, slashed his face, killed his brother, pushed him into an acid pit, embargoed his dictatorship, etc)  As the movie goes, we find out our old hero is retired.  The old gunslinger who is drinking his life away in some saloon.  The ex cop who vows never to pick up a gun.  The superhero who hung up his tights.  The audience can still see a glimmer of greatness in the old gunfighter’s eyes.    We are rooting for him.

To the elation of their families, Bill Clinton returned to the United States with journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee.  The old gunfighter seemed to have regained his swagger.  The cape seemed to be a little brighter.  Old Bill was back.  Cut to the credits.  Republican or Democrat, the story should be one that all Americans can take pride in.  An ex American president going into the belly of the beast to rescue a pair of American citizens for exercising rights we often take for granted.  It was a great movie worthy of an academy award.  I hope to see it again.

Of course, not everyone enjoyed this film.  Minutes after the news broke that the hostages were freed, Fox News commentators gave it two thumbs down.  Former Clinton employee Dick Morris, who lost his post after allegedly engaging the services of a prostitute, continued his sour puss tirade over his old boss.  He stated that the journalists should have lived with the decision for going there.   The real winner was North Korea.  I have to disagree with Dick.   The situation brings world attention to the way North Korea treats journalists.  It brings an ex president back who enjoyed worldwide popularity back into the spotlight.  It also demonstrates that diplomacy and open communication can lead to results. 

So what is next for Bill Clinton, 007?  Well, after the James Bond movies, I seem to recall Sean Connery doing a Hunt for Red October.  Maybe Bill can help us out with those pesky Russian subs? 

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